voice recording, if you prefer.
She is water,
flowing calmly – lightly.
Just completely embodying you,
Nourishing all that is within you
all that her essence graces.
You didn’t see it before,
you feared her and the vulnerability
that encompasses you within her presence.
But within her love – within her guidance
you breathe your soul.
More deeply than you thought possible.
She is fire,
blazing a path for you
while you hide in your darkness.
Gently moving closer to you
each time you try to move away,
away from the fear of her.
The heat is your excuse,
but that heat may be warmth.
And that flame which you see,
may be ice in disguise. Because it’s not the fire,
but the source.
She is a seed,
begging you for water.
Pleading for nourishment.
She needs you to grow.
She wants to see the tops of the trees,
so she may finally look out and not up.
The validation & warmth she is looking for,
you are looking for somewhere else
She waits patiently,
but she’s still a seed.
Knowing she cannot sprout up
from the ground, without you.
She is the girl that you envy,
that one who it so authentically herself.
Who doesn’t appear drowned by life,
or strangled by the past.
Her body stands tall
as she speaks with conviction.
You want to shut her out,
close it down quick
before she learns the truth about you.
The words come out of your mouth,
but you can’t remember
whose words they are anymore.
She is a wrecking ball,
trying to gain just enough speed –
find just enough force – to finally get through
these walls surrounding you.
To free you from that room,
that you cannot find your way out of.
But part of you retracts
into the corner of this prison.
It is all you know, and you are scared to leave
because this has been home.
But you must go, you see?
You have no light in this place.
She is harsh,
spouting those words of conviction.
How dare she, offer her guidance
impose on your reality.
Question all that you are, like she knows the way out
She has no idea what you’ve been through.
You have been this way
your whole life.
Nobody knows you better than you in this moment.
How dare she try to change you,
telling you she knows,
telling you this isn’t you anymore.
She is authentic.
Vulnerable and kind
You didn’t see it before,
because you didn’t want to.
You know she’s right,
but what does that mean?
Authenticity you don’t have,
you are not her.
You are pain, hurt, misunderstood.
You are fear.
You are the way that you were designed,
this is who you are.
But she, she is seasoned.
She also felt real pain, real trauma
deep within her soul. And, she expanded.
You weren’t listening when she tried to help,
because you were focused on your struggle.
You missed her rise.
But she mustn’t have gone through things
as bad as you, right?
That must be how she remained intact.
She still can feel joy, feel pride, feel powerful –
you’re not like that.
You’ve been hurt too badly.
You don’t deserve to feel better,
or, are you in your own way?
Creating your own chaos?
No, it can’t be this way.
You are damaged for good
this is the cards you were dealt.
She is so powerful though..
She is everything you want to be,
everything you tell yourself you can not be.
She is genuine and proud,
receiving and receptive.
She refuses that victim mentality.
She stopped her cycle.
She knows something you don’t.
She IS authentic.
She is powerful.
She is fire.
She, is you.
– alysha lewis
Photo by Vladlane Vadek on Unsplash